Apa Nak Bagi Kat Makcik Taichee?

Serius plis.

Penat pikir tau. 

Kupikir temenung dan thinking.

Kucongak kira dan calculate.

Dalam sehari tah bape kali aku jadi penunggu sesawang tuh.

Akhirnya hotakku yang bersawang

(tetibe dengar bunyik cengkerik.. [......])

Itu maknanya dah angau sangatlah tu.

Sengaja je carik pasal dengan incik biru.

Maklumler, makcik Taichee ni setia orangnya.

Tapi kesetiaan itu teruji la puleyk kan sebab banyak lagi kertas Cap Agong nak ditaburi kat lubang lubang periuk api. Kalau tak tutup mesti meletup sampai terbelah dua badan (ok. ini sangat overrrr) TEBAAABOMMM~@!

Maklomla, bila dah tetua gini, kena pikir pasni nak tinggal mana kan? Takkan nak hangkut semua bebarang umah kat Kch ni stok kat umah mama kannnn? Okeh zippit Taichee. Ko dah lalut ke Bangladesh dah tu. 

Jadi, sebagai seorang dewasa yang berhemah, lemah lembut, sopan santun lagi berbudi bahasa bak kata incik Anonku sayang maka disini mahu menshufflekan (lagi hebat aaa dr kat Bkt Bintang kununnya) diri beliau untuk lebih Bijak Wang dan fleksibelkan uang itu macam getah rambut.

Eh Cop! Apa aku merepek cam kerepek ni?

Takde.

Aku nak tukar line tipon je. Dari bayar RM500 utk internet + gayots (termasuklah official dan chenta), elok err...kumpul bebanyak untuk bercuti ke luar negara (macam dpat rega RM500 tuh! Perasan giler)

Ini adalah antara entry tak ada mak'ananye.

Sengaja tajuk tu lari pecut kan?

Sekian.

.:Pasca Awal Muharram + Tahun 2010:.

Salaam~@!
(Tak bleh blah la aku terngiang ngiang dengar salam 1 Malaysia: afekah?)

Dengan ini, selamatlah kita semua dari godaan dan rasukan syaitan + nafsu.
Aku ni bercakap pasal diri sendiri jok. Especially bab gi shoping. Humangaiii!
Mata rambang jok nak beli memacam. Sekang ni dah takleh dah dek non! Ahkak dah ada tanggungjawab besau neh...banyak kena pikio.


So, di tahun baru ini, itulah yang aku nak buat dulu.
Yg lelaen leh tunggu kan?

Aku juga berharap di tahun 2010 ini bahawa

1. Aku dijauhkan daripada dapat rating yang teruk dalam LBVF dan PPA aku. Dapat 3 pun dah cukup cukup bersyukur
2. So that, kenaikan gaji aku ok seperti aku memula mintak kerja kat kompeni neh.
3. Dapat buat ACD dgn cemerlang dan gemilang untuk close competency gapku
4. Boleh habeskan MTSG trainingku
5. Boleh fokus jadik Region Coordinator + buat kerja as usual + sempurnakan program kompeni aku selama 10 bulan berturut2 huyeh!

Dan harapan besar aku yang lagi satu tu, biarlah aku sandarkan pada Allah aje. Semoga semuanya berjalan lancar... weeeee~@!

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah. Inilah hasil fokusku dan apa yang aku mahukan. InsyaAllah benda benda baik lain akan menyusul dgn izin dan rahmatMu. Rezeki tu tetap ada...

Yang ini sudah...

Gembira. Celaru. Serabot. pening. Confuse. Anxious. Panik. Future. Plan.

Itu je buat masa ini.

Hopefully aku ada masa nak review semua sbb masa semakin suntuk!

Ciou!

:: Dear Blog, Apa Khabar Kau Hah?::

Hmm...

Tah apa la yg aku pk saat aku berblog dulu. Mostly about luahan hati dan alter ego aku nak rage kt orang. Pernah gak kena sound awak tu pompan, tak baik carut or buat camtu. Haiya...sibbaik dia tak jadik laki aku. Tak tahan aku laki yg tak bleh nak gurau + terima alter ego aku lam blog ni. Sumer kena kontrol~@! Rimas la hokeh? Dahla aku takleh nak mengaruk kat dunia nyata, kat blog pun kena kontrol?

Hek hek. Tu dulu la. Sekang aku dah cool banyak. Relaks + chill joks. Maklumlah aku bukan bebudak lagi nak ada perangai camtuh. Cuma sekali sekala aku ngarut cam limau purut and merepek cam kerepek tu normal ah tuh. Aku ni manusia biasa joks.

Sekarang?

Sekarang aku aman. Aku damai. Cuma aku terlalu rindu. Aku tak keluar berdating macam biasa aku buat dulu dulu. Entah cemana la agaknya kalau jumpa sayang aku depan depan. Akhirnya? Mesti bergelegar kepala lutut aku. Aku mesti tak mampu nak tenung mata dia. Ohhh~@! Cinta tulus (ecewah bunyik cam poyo) aku dan dia ni macam susah nak sangka boleh bertahan nak sampai 10 bulan dah. Posmen karat kami tetap Adeq. Adeq la talian nyawa nak pesan barang ke apa ke, nak sampaikan ke, nak tau berita terkini ke apa. (termasuklah nak tau kowt le ex ex awek sidia dok ctc ke apa). And memang dah ditakdirkan aku dan Adeq sama tahun Naga, lahir kat hospital yang sama, dan sama pulak karakter. No wonder la Adeq dan aku boleh faham masing masing.

"Ada jugak orang hidup zaman broadband yang bercinta ala 50an enh?" Adaaa...aku cakap ko! Ada orang kata kitorang saiko ke apa tak jumpa memasing? Kalau kitorang saiko pun, ada aku kesah ke? Hahahaha...yang nak kawen aku dan dia.

Anyho, aku still berserah jodoh aku pd Rabb aku. Aku still berharap pada Yg Satu. Aku cuma mampu berdoa dengan yakin. Kalau dulu blog entri aku penuh dgn rasa negatif dan tak yakin (sebab dalam hati mmg dah tau cemana), sekarang aku redho. Macam macam cubaan datang antara aku dan si cinta hati. Bukan sikit sikit celah gigi. Apa dugaan dan cubaan tu, biarlah antara aku, sicinta dan Allah Taala je yg tahu. Apa yg aku yakin, semakin banyak cubaan dan dugaan, semakin dalam kasih sayang kami.

Si cinta hati kini sedang bekerja keras untuk adik adik dan untuk kami nanti insyaAllah. Aku tau dalam keadaan dia sekarang, amat sukar. Terutama jika ditakdirkan tiada ayahbonda tercinta. Dialah yang membawakan sedikit rezeki ke rumah untuk adik2 makan, pakai dan belajar. Dialah yang berkorban apa saja asalkan adik adik bahagia. Dia yang tidak pernah mengeluh hatta di telingaku sekalipun. Aku kagum dengan sicinta hati. Entah kenapa, semangat dan kasih sayang dia untuk adik adik melimpah rohnya pada aku. Dia mengajar aku tentang betapa berharganya sebuah keluarga. Tinggi budibahasanya. Mulia pekertinya.

Tidak.

Aku tidak buta kerana cinta. Aku nampak jelas dia bagaimana, sebagaimana dia lihat aku. Kami ada kekurangan masing masing tetapi kami terima dengan hati terbuka, dengan kasih dan sayang (ok bunyik dah macam drama, tapi lantak akulah kan? blog aku). Kami highlight kelebihan masing masing...buat joke pasal tu lagi. Aku boleh jadi diri aku tanpa perlu kontrol ayu. Alah dah penah terkentot pun masa tgh Skype. Kuat lak tuh! So aku kaver la gelak kekuat...sapa suh tahan kan? Haa ko, skali kentot, POOOOTTTT~@!(kalau ada yg gross pun ada aku kesah?)

Hentah. Aku dah terlalu selesa dengan arrangement sebegini sampai aku sendiri takut nak jumpa famili dia yang lain. Aku terlalu selesa sampai aku takut jumpa dia face to face. Tapi sampai bila aku nak takut kan? Hisk..tak boleh nak bayangkan kalau one sweet day, finally dia jumpa aku.. mao aku pensan ke apa sebab rindu dendam berbulan bulan akhirnya dia depan mata aku. Cemanalah orang dulu dulu jumpa laki dia first time masa kahwin enh? Hisk..berderau beb jantung. Cam nak runtuh peparu sumer..kulit pun leh tanggal kowt? Uhuuu...

Walaopon aku takut, tapi deep down, aku nak rindu kami ni berhujung dan berpangkal. InsyaAllah, itu yang aku selalu doakan semoga semuanya direstui Allah, dengan izin dan rahmatNya, sampai syurga...

Menjaga Hati, Meminta Maaf dan Memaafkan = KEIKHLASAN

Alhamdulillah...

(ingat nak tukar layout blog, tapi aku malas - jadi aku open balik blog yg bosan ini)

Air terjun Sungai Balom

Berjumpa lagi aku dengan Ramadhan. Kali ni rasanya lagi best sebab, aku ada Modjo. Hikhikhik. Bukanlah kerana aku boleh bersahur berbuka dengan dia. Oh! I wish that was true. Tak sabar rasanya nak tunggu saat saat tu. Tapi sebab, dia banyak mengajar aku tentang menjaga tingkah laku, jujur, komunikasi sesama manusia, menjaga hubungan sesama manusia lain dan banyak lagi yang aku rasa, failnya aku ni sebagai teman dia. Dia menjadikan aku orang yang lebih baik. Sampai aku malu dan berazam nak ubah menjadi manusia yang lebih baik. Bukan senang aku nak berubah. Aku tabik betul ngan Modjo. He's too good to be true dan dia sepatotnya tidak wujud dalam hidup aku. Sebab dia seorang Listed Man. Orang yang aku "angankan dan tuliskan" hanya dalam diari kecewa aku everytime lepas aku break dengan ex ex aku.

Alhamdulillah, Allah temukan aku dengan Modjo terchenta juga selepas say 13 tahun aku fail in relationships. My better significant other yang bring out the best in me.Okeh. Enuff. Aku snonye nak ceta pasal apa aku blaja masa Teambuilding aku tempohari.

Masa 11-13hb Ogos baru ni, kompeni hantar aku pegi Teambuilding di Broga. Aku ingat kat Negeri Sembilan, rupanya kat Semenyih jok. Haih! Pulak tu, kat tempat ni, line sangat hampeh. Bukan je Celcom jok, malahan Maxis jugok. Petah lagi Digi. Dan kerana line hampeh ni, Modjo dah tak keruan tak dapat bercakap ngan aku dan aku plak cam orang gila dok lekatkan telinga kat dinding belakang pintu bilik (sebab kununnya line lagi bagos dengan buat camtu).

Haih. Terasa diri ini begitu disayangi dan dihargai. Tak pernah rasa orang bagi aku sebagai prioriti. Sebelum kenal Modjo, aku dapat title second class citizen jok. Uhuuu...(sori tak bleh tak bercakap pasal Modjo yang sangat sayangkan aku)

So dalam masa aku masuk kursus teambuilding ni, ada sorang Prof Haji Hanim (ye, nama dia seakan nama perempuan) yang sangat kelakar. Dalam pada dia menyampaikan mesej tu, dia buat lawak yang sangat terkena batang hidung. Sangat menyedarkan aku apa yang dia cakap tu, adalah ciri ciri lelaki kesayangan aku, Modjo. Rasanya, sifat aku dan Modjo sangat berbeza. Bak cerita Up yang aku tonton malam tadi, Elie cakap banyak dan hyper, tapi Mr Fredrikson tu, senyap jok. Itulah Modjo, cakap bila perlu sahaja dan sentiasa senyum. Dia banyak mendengar sampai pernah one time sebab aku cakap banyak sangat, dia tegur, "Bb, diam diam diam. Cuba diam jap" Hehehe..Mcm game yg si budak tembam lam citer Up tu. Haih! Rindu plak aku kat Modjo ni. Memang aku kena blaja cakap bila perlu jok. Sebab tu, Allah jadikan 2 telinga dan 1 mulut. Lagi banyak cakap, lagi senang kita wat dosa. Yang selalunya kecik hati ngan perangai kita (aku lah!) ialah orang yang paling rapat dan dekat. Selalunya orang yang paling dan sangat kita sayang.

Apa yang aku belajar dari kelas Prof Hanim (selain dari cemana nak dapat anak laki/ anak pompan) ialah daripada Four Golden Rules of Human Relations:-

1) Do to Others What You want Others to do to you

2) Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you

Okeh. Yang 2 pertama ni nampaknya kebanyakan kita mungkin boleh buat. i.e:

1a) Sayang orang, dan orang akan sayang kita
2a) Jangan Mengata orang kalau kita taknak orang mengata kita

Contoh aje. Tapi kan yang 2 terakhir ni, aku memang susah nak buat. Aku cakap jujur je. Dan masa nilah baru aku realise, aku sayang sangat kat Modjo sebab sifat sifat dia ada dalam 2 yang terakhir ni.

3) Do to Others What They Want You to Do, Even Though They Don't Do What You Want Them To Do

Ada faham kah?
Buat sesuatu yang orang nak kita buat, walaupun dorang tak buat apa yang kita nak dorang buat.

3a) Contoh terkini ialah seperti: Kita rajin tegur dia lam komen blog/ FB tapi dorang tak hingin pun nak jenguk blog kita, tinggalkan komen kat blog atau lam FB. Ni contos jok.Kalau kita berkira ngan orang tu, makanya, kita dah fail dalam nombor 3 ni.

Katakan camni:
Pernah satu ketika, orang mintak tolong aku. Aku pun tolonglah kan sebab dia mintak dan kita kesian. Tapi bila kita tolong orang ni, ada tak pernah terlintas atau terkata lam hati, satu hari nanti, if kita susah, kita nak mintak tolong orang ni lah, sebab aku pernah tolong dia mesti dia rasa terhutang ngan aku?

Pernah tak?

Kalau ada kita terfikir camni kan, maka sekali lagi kita fail. Sebab takde keikhlasan dalam hati kita. Nak kena kosong-kosong pulak dalam hal tolong menolong. Aku belanja ko makan RM100 arini, haaa pasni, ko belanja aku makan RM100 jugak haaa... camtu pulak! Maka gagal lah kita mendapat pahala tolong orang tu.

4) Don't Do to OthersWhat They Don't What Done to Them, even though They Do To You What You Don't Want Them To Do.

4a) Kita jangan aniaya jiran tetangga kita dengan memancetkan tayar keta dia, walaupun dia buat pada kita macam tu, dan kita sedeh sangat.

Aku pernah bagi satu soklan cepumas pada Prof Hj Fadzilah Kamsah tentang, " Forgiven but Not Forgotten". Macammana kita nak maafkan orang ni sebab dia pernah aniaya kita. Sakitkan hati kita sampai bila hati tu boleh dilihat, agaknya sampai sekang darah kelukaan tu masih mengalir. Itu maknanya, kita tak boleh lupa apa orang tu buat pada kita. Prof kata, sebaik baiknya, maaf dan terus lupakan apa dia buat. Tu baru erti maaf yang sebenar. Didik hati untuk jadi bersih dengan maafkan orang tu tiap malam sebelum tido, buat solat taubat dan solat tahajud, doakan orang yang aniaya kita tu, jadi orang yang lebih baik. Takde kes ungkit mengungkit cerita bertahun tahun hatta berbelas tahun dahulu. Lagipon, kalau dah maafkan orang, perlu ke nak ungkit dan timbulkan balik? Jadi, adakah maaf kita pada orang tu, kemaafan dengan ikhlas? Sungguh sungguh dengan nekad hati, maafkan orang tu?

 Mari kita ubati hati

Macam kes aku lah kan? Ada orang curik duit sampai RM20 ribu kan. Susah nak maafkan orang ini, sebab dia tipu dan aniaya aku, walaupun aku dah merayu pulangkan balik. Kita mungkin maafkan dia sebab dia ni gone case lah. Dan kita berserah diri aje pada Allah lepas tu. Tapi bila dia muncul balik, dok suruh kita pulak yang telefon dia nak setel duit tu, macam kita pulak yang berhutang, dok cakap macam macam, cemana kita nak maafkan dia? Sedangkan, kita dah nak lupa hal tu pernah berlaku. As if benda tu satu nightmare. Kenapa orang macam ni macam tak reti reti? Susah sebenarnya nak Forgive and Forget ni. Bukan satu benda yang mudah dilakukan. Aku harap dan aku masih berdoa, Allah ampuni aku dan semoga orang yang buat aku tu bertaubat.

Dan ada jugak kes, orang yang benar benar mintak maaf kat orang yg buat salah pada dia sebab tak kemana pun kalau gaduh gaduh. Terbalik la kes ni. Orang A mintak maaf kat Orang B yang bersalah kat Orang A. Lagi pula bila melibatkan orang C. Sebab Orang C salah faham kat Orang B. Orang A yang dok tengah tengah pulak yang terasa dia yang bersalah dan mintak maaf pada kedua dua pihak. Tak ke tinggi budipekerti dan akhlak Orang A? Malahan bila ditanya, apa cerita sebenarnya pada Orang A, Orang A simply jawab, "Hentah. Tak ingat". Macam ni lah baru dikatakan forgive and forget. Bila kita cerita dan tanya balik kat Orang A, Orang A akan cepat cepat divert kepada perkara lain dan cakap benda tu dah lepas, tak payahla nak ingat. Huuuu....terasa sangat aku ni, kecikkkkknye lah berbanding ngan dia. Akhlak orang ni, memang susah nak dapat sekarang sebab selalunya ramai orang simpan dendam.

Dan satu lagi, bila kita mintak maaf pada orang, adakah kita benar benar ikhlas mintak maaf? Kadang kadang sekadar melepaskan batuk di tangga punya mintak maaf. For the sake of just because. Maaf sekadar kata kata jok. Bak kata seseorang, "kalau camtu, senang je lah pencuri dan pembunuh nak lepaskan diri. Sekadar mintak maaf. Tapi kendian buat balik"

Huuu paling susah dalam dunia ni ialah Hubungan Sesama Manusia. Ingat senang ke nak jadi khalifah dimuka bumi? Lelagi dalam era yang sangat mencabar seperti sekarang. Nak duduk lam gua pun tak boleh. Sebab kita kena tunaikan fardu kifayah gak. Kena berbaik ngan jiran tetangga hatta kepada yang Belum Islam sekalipun cam aku punya kes kat Kuching. Rasa korang lah kan, orang yang mendengar kemaafan tu boleh tau tak keikhlasan meminta maaf? Dan kadang kadang kita ni (termasuk aku lah terutamanya) take things for granted. Just because. Alaa...minah/ mamat tu dia okeh punya. Dia pemaaf. Dia bukan jenis amik port punya. Dan kita yang perasan diri kita cam bagos dan know-it-all, kunun kita matang gila tak hengat di dunia yang fana ni, memperkotakkatikkan orang lain sampai apa yang kita rasa tak signifikan pada diri kita, tapi amat besar luka di hati orang lain. Pernah fikir tak?

Rasa cam kita tegor orang kita lah yang paling baek, tapi sebenarnya cara kita menegur tu, ada tak bil hikmah? Ada tak kita letak diri kita bila yang ditegur oleh kata kata kita sendiri? Pernah tak amik kira perasaan orang lain? Dan kalau silap, kenapa nak bertangguh tangguh mintak maaf? Kenapa nak tunggu dia mood ok sikit? Kenapa nak tunggu masa Raya je? Atau bagi alasan tak perasan dia wat silap (lepas dah lama masanya). Bila orang yang terkecik hati tu termarah asbab kesilapan kecik orang yang "buat silap" tu, orang "buat silap" tu pulak yang naik hangin?

Dah tentu manusia ni macam macam kadar emosi dia. Kot terkena orang yang hati dia sensitif sebab keadaan dia, sejarah dia, status dia sekarang? Terasa luka yang sangat dalam cemana? Sekalipun pada kita, benda tu takde maknanya. Silap kecik aje? Nak mintak maaf kena tunggu dia lepas balik keje ke apa? Nak mintak maaf, kalau ikhlas terus jumpa dia je. Tak kisahlah hatta dia tengah tension atau marah. Ada cara kita nak cakap. Bil hikmah. Mana tau, pas kita mintak maaf tu, sejuk hati dia, terus dia ok. Yang paling teruk orang yang suka tegur orang cam bagos ni, ialah dia buat bodow je kalau tau dia salah. Buat macam dia dah pandai dan tak mahu makan nasihat. Orang dah mintak maaf ngan dia pun, dia lagi nak ulang ulang benda yang sama dan  have the final say. Adoyai...susahnya menjaga hubungan sesama manusia ni.

Bak kata orang orang yang lebih berilmu dari aku ni, sebab tu kadang kadang, apa yang kita nak tak dapat. Rezeki belum sampai dan kadang kadang ada je benda yang kita rasa tak best. Contoh: Nak gi makan, tapi restoren tu penuh. Nak dapatkan pertolongan tapi sentiasa ada halangan dan cabaran? Duit pulak kadang kadang banyak tapi macam tak melekat. Pegi mana pun taktahu. Sebab apa? Sebab ini merupakan refleks kepada apa yang kita dah buat pada orang sama ada kita sedar ataupun tidak. Macam kes aku ni, jodoh tak dapat lagi sebab barangkali, aku ada tak maafkan orang atas apa yang dorang buat pada aku. Dan ada jugak on top of that, kita tak mintak maaf pada insan yang kita buat salah. Pada ibu bapa contohnya. Mungkin ada percakapan dan perbuatan kita yang menghiris hati mereka. So selalu selalulah mintak maaf dan memaafkan dengan penuh keikhlasan. Pendek kata, pengajaran kali ni, ialah Hati Kena Sentiasa Bersih. Baru senang malaikat rahmat dan rezeki nak datang melawat. Bila Hati Bersih, segalanya dipermudahkan InsyaAllah.  Baru terasa kemanisan rahmat tu. Duit sikit tapi berkat dan bahagia. Makan sikit tapi kenyang dan gembira. Hidup sederhana tapi penuh dengan gelak ketawa sesama ahli keluarga. Takde komplen komplen pun, baju pakai 5 tahun lepas ke, fon kalau baling anjing, anjing leh kiok ke pe. Syukur saja.

Ikhlas + Syukur apa yang ada + Sabar = BAHAGIA.

InsyaAllah. Aku nak didik hati aku untuk menjadi bersih dari segala prasangka dan yang negatif. Aku mahu amalkan forgive and forget. Aku nak kurangkan komplen dan tidak bersyukur. Aku nak didik diri untuk menjadi lebih penyabar. Syukur Allah bukakan peluang untuk aku bertemu orang orang berilmu dan penuh dengan contoh contoh terbaik yang mengingatkan aku tentang aku. Syukur, ada juga insan yang sudi terima aku yang tahapehape hentah dan emo taktentupasal ini dan tahu pula cemana nak handle emosi aku sampai aku sedar dan insaf (bukan bertambah marah dan sedih). Alhamdulillah...syukran Ya Allah!

Sebelum aku tido, aku nak ingatkan diri sendiri:

1. " dan kalaulah engkau bersikap kasar lagi keras hati, tentulah mereka lari dari kelilingmu..." - Ali Imran: 159
2. Dari Abdullah Ibn Harith r.a. " Aku tidak pernah melihat satu orang yang lebih banyak senyum daripada Rasulullah s.a.w" - Maka bersedekahlah kita dengan cara paling senang ini
3. Apa yang kita tidak dapat dari orang lain mencerminkan apa yang kita enggan berikan kepada orang lain
4. Bila kita memberi, kita pasti akan menerima

Wallahua'lam bissawab.

p/s: Selamat berpuasa, beribadah dan menjaga hati ya kengkawan semua.
Harap maafkan lah aku dalam setiap penulisan blog ni, sebab mana tau, ada yang terasa pulak. Padahal blog ni, aku tulis untuk aku sebagai cermin diri. Jom kita jadi khalifah terbaik di muka bumi ini. InsyaAllah!

How to be Thankful to be Happy: Taichee's Way

This is a reply to Nadhra Halig's note on How to Condition thingy.

So here goes.

1. Every morning, when I wake up, I'll wait for a few secs and say Alhamdulillah. I've survived yesterday, man!

2. While preparing myself to work, I always listen to Hitz FM by listening to Jay Jay and Ean. They rawk my solitary days in Kuching, every morning. Deym funny people make me smile like a goof.

3. Listen to happy, dance, sing songs like

i) Poker Face
ii) Seek Amy
iii) That's Not My Name
iv) Just Dance
v) Any favourite songs of yours (I also listen to Modjo's recorded singing and view his guitar playing in my phone)

3. I'm just human. Negative tots ate normal. You can have it but sit back and mirror back how to react to it. It's entirely up to you on how you choose to react. Damaging to you? Damaging to others? Or damaging to things. Its a LOSE-LOSE situation. So, usually if I'm really really mad,

a) I'll listen to Rage Against The Machine's Wake Up and Bullet in the Head and all those heavy rock solid songs. I'll just scream the songs out loud until I lost my voice. Given around 10-20 mins after that breaking-your-vocal-cord-exercise, I'll reach the destination and act normally. As if nothin will stop me. Come to me, world! GIVE IT TO MOI attitude~@! Oh Yeahhh....

b) Call your loved ones. Last time I used to call my best buds and pour all my feelings to them. (pity them but I do the same to them too, insyaAllah). Now, I pour everything to my emo stabilizer - Modjo.

c) Think of things that I can accomplish if I'm more positive that can make me happier. Always think of an alternative, a plan B if things aren't going my way. There's always options and I've got the power to choose. It's totally my choice ;)

d) I will take a long cold shower and scream SEJUKKKKK!!! SEJUKKKKK!!! and take an ablution. Go for a prayer, a solat sunat Taubat for example, and pray for the ones who make you crazy/ mad. Its better to forgive rather than dwell on that negativity.

After solaat, I will usually sleep. This always work for moi. and USUALLY I will have a LOCK DOWN hours in a my room. Please give me my LOCK DOWN. Hehehehe~@! Once getting out from this LD, I will usually be my perky self.

4. Whatever I do now, whatever things I'm enduring, whatever I'm getting, how it comes to me, how heartbroken I was, came from Allah. It's just how He tests me. How good I handle my predicaments. How persistent I am at asking for Him. How patience I go thru life. How thankful I am to Him. Sometimes if He gives me every thing I want, doesn't mean He's not testing. He wants to know whether I forget His blessings and His Mercy. If I ever stop asking for Him? Nauzubillah, please Allah don't make me forget You. After all my real Employer is Allah. I work for Him and He pays me good, alhamdulillah. Syukran ya Allah~@! Alhamdulillah...

5. If I feel so lost and down, I will look back and think of people who are less fortunate than me.

6. Don't be alone and lonely. Go back to your loved ones. When I didn't have Modjo last time, I'll usually go back to KL from Kch and be embraced with love from my family + friends. Now? I still go to my family (Modjo needs to marry me first in order for me to run back to him ahahahaha)

7. I will work out like mad. Swim for so many laps until my limbs go limp like jello.

8. Like Nad, if my cards + cash permits, I will splurge like MAD. Spontaneous is so moi~@! But I can't do this every time. It's just once in a blue moon :D [insyaAllah]

9. Eat my comfort foods like McD Oreo McFlurry, Kodomo Bento, Sup Daging (all these if I'm in Kuching) but in KL, I crave for ALL Mama's cooking.

10. I write and I pour my feelings out in my personal diary and some of it leaks thru my blog. Sometimes I write poems too. Sometimes I recite my poems and record it. It's just a way to letgo my way.

11. Live life one step at a time. Don't be too greedy. Savour what you have now cos something better will sooner or later comes to you direct/indirectly. InsyaAllah. Positive mind and attitude attracts other positive things

12. If whatever you wish/dream/want doesn't come to you yet, it's just because Allah loves to see our humility in asking for Him. Hope for him. Have patience. Persevere. Sabr. And that He knows when to give it to you when you're ready. I just need to persevere and keep my hopes high only to Him. Not to other human nor things (not even to Modjo)

13. Here is the key to what some people see as the “problem” of suffering. We know that suffering is a test for us, a test of our patience. We know that peace and prosperity is also a test, a test of our gratitude to Allah. Those who see suffering as a “problem” are really saying that they believe they have a right to a life of uninterrupted happiness, with no discomfort, no pain and no grief. But that’s not what this earthly life is all about! That’s what Allah promises us in akhirat, not in dunya! We’re not there yet!

14. Allah does what He Wills, and His will is always, unfailingly good, however harsh it may appear to us on the surface. Our human perception (and knowledge when compared to His Greatest knowledge) is limited, like ants crawling over a carpet, we complain about the rough surface, the knots and the texture that make our journey difficult. But we cannot see the beauty of the carpet from above.

We cannot see the beauty of Allah’s master plan, until we step outside our small, selfish worlds. We suffer, but we know our suffering is an expiation of our sins, and our patience and contentment brings us closer to Allah. (Read more here http://www.khutbahbank.org.uk/Royal_Holloway_khutbahsProblem%20of%20Suffering.htm)

15. C'est la vie. Sad and being depress is normal. It only makes us human. But can't it be more meaningful if there's an alarm to it to make us wake up from slumber and enjoy life and start to have trust again? As all of us have a purpose in life. So savour it. Enjoy your life and awaken that lil child in you. You never know when Allah wants to take you back and whatever you have now, right?

Whatever it is, I always hold to this.
wamakaruu wamakarallah, wallahukhairul maakirin.

Ali Imran: 54 by Abdullah Yusuf Ali:- " and (the unbelievers) plotted and planned, and God too planned, and the best of planners is God"

Allahua'lam bissawab...
:D

p/s: See I succeeded in NOT blogging about Modjo per se. Yay me~@!

The Thing in that Pandora's Box

It's Sunday again.

It's been exactly 3 days since I left KL.
It's been exactly 2 weeks since Modjo haven't seen me thru his naughty skodeng activity.
It's been exactly 3 days since I last met Ella and asked for her help to give Modjo his Melaka's Roti John.
It's been exactly 3 days since I met up with Jiji + Koben = Anis Manis.
It's been only few minutes since Modjo called me up.

It got me thinking. And got me thinking real hard..

I pity Modjo for having me as his gal. Me, heavy with so many emotional baggages. Me who is full and filled with flaws and weaknesses. Me who have been thru loads and loads of heart breaks. Me who have cried blood and burst my heart to million pieces before. Me who picked up all the broken pieces and sew it all back together again in the hope it will be in one piece. But this heart will never be the same again. This mind where the sad and gloomy memories remain there. INTACT. Although how hard I tried to shut all em baddies out from *here*, it will pops out without warning. Anytime. Anywhere.

For all these, I pity Modjo. I blame myself for not trusting him 100% before. The only thing that make me whole again was my love for him. The only thing that makes us strong is by loving each other with all our heart. I ditched my head and trust my instinct. Why can't love be just love. Pure and sincere just like that first love? Why must there be questions? Why must there be probing questions and immediate answers? Why can't we love as the days go by? Slow. Steady. Savour each moment and days without any rush. Why can't love be simple and kind?

Please forgive me for having me as your gal, Modjo. Please forgive my insecurities. Modjo. He doesn't have to post his name all over the net to make him transparent. He doesn't have to shout aloud for me to hear his heart. He doesn't have to be physically visible for everybody to see that he exists. He exists just by loving and accepting me as what I am.

For all the pain that I've been through, the lies, the money that they took, the broken promises, the waste of time, energy and most importantly, the trust that was slowly taken away, the exes that have so many ways to break me into million pieces...

This time, I know for sure that Modjo is not any one of them. He's different. He is like my first ever true love. The love that I never had. The love that requires no pretentions, no conditions just pure love. He needs me. I need him. I feel his sincerity. I feel his love deep in my heart. He cares for me for real without taking me for granted. He makes me feel like a priority. He makes me feel so special. Wanted. Loved. Needed. That's why Modjo is different.

If you think that we never argue, we did. We are after all just human. That makes us even stronger as we learn about us more. I thank Allah for Modjo. For his forbearance and loving a bullheaded and loud mouth Taichee. Please God, I don't want to hurt his feeling. I want to change for a better me.

So let me return his love by trusting him and savoring each second by loving each other. He amazes me with all his gestures and choice of words. He is sweet, gentle and kind. He treats me like a lady, his best friend and his gal. InsyaAllah the time will come for him to properly propose and make me legally his. InsyaAllah.

Well, just in case you guys have been wondering, he did propose to me unofficially by drawing a doodle over ym

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

and I countered

R U PROPOSING 2 ME?

Sadly, I didn't print it out to prove to your guys. Anyhoo, I don't have to prove the world for this. Just let it comes naturally later.

Taichee (6/20/2009 12:48:58 AM): b serius ke propose me?
Modjo (6/20/2009 12:49:44 AM): yes my dear
{then he called me}
Taichee (6/20/2009 12:54:53 AM): yes, i will shyg
{then yang in between takyah tunjukla}
Modjo (6/20/2009 12:59:24 AM): slh kot cara b.. xpela abaikn
{then I called him to pujuk. Well if he wants to marry me, do it properly la kan?}

If B nak me marry you, B jumpalah mama & abah ye shayg?
InsyaAllah shayg...So it's been nearly 5 months that we got to know each other. Almost 4 months that we've been a couple. We still didn't date like "normal" couples out there do. Thru his younger siblings - Ella, Epul and Ena, I know that he is for real. I just *know*.

Wamakaruu wamakarallah. Wallahukhairul maakiriin.
InsyaAllah. Just pray for me. Let him be The One, o Allah! I want to be his solehah wife and bear him mini Modjos and mini Chees. InsyaAllah...insyaAllah...insyaAllah.

Aminn...

Life Would Sux Without You!

{exactly}

Exactly 14 years after my sucky relationships, Monday, April 27 2009 was the first ever feeling that I felt wanted and loved so badly by a man (provided that I too want/ love him la). Yesterday was the first ever feeling that I've ever experienced that if a man really loves you and wants you, he will search you like crazy. (pls ignore my sucky English)

485 calls in a span of 12 hours.

And that's just the calls alone.

Yes. 485 calls and no kidding. All miss calls are recorded in my phone. Nope. No further details here peeps. Cos you who are skeptical out there, you didn't know how I feel about him.

I'm in love for the first time. I've never experienced this before. Never.

Call me jakun or poyo or whatever name calling you may think of.
I really fall in love for real, feel the love is real, for the first time, in my ripe old age of 3n (fill in the numbers). He loves me.. Truly. Deeply. Sincerely.

I hope he'll be the one who will be my khalif. Finally after the agonizing wait and pain that i have endured. Aminn aminn... ya robbal a'lamin!

CERITA YANG HARUBIRU

{AMARAN: BLOG ENTRI KALI INI AMAT POYO DAN EMO. SEBAB SUKATI AKULAH, AKU YANG EMPUNYA BLOG!!}

Salaam semua~@!

Ini disampaikan berita jam 3 petang, saya Taichee melaporkan dari Bilik Hotel di Miri dalam keadaan gundah lagi gulana. (Tapi masih bertenang lagi)

Pagi tadi sekitar jam 7 pagi, Taichee yang anda kenali sebagai seorang yang ceria dan cool telah mulai menggelabah disebabkan kesalahan membajet kewangannya sendiri. Ini kerana kebanyakan duit tunainya telah pun digunapakai sepanjang 10 hari secara bas express Rapid bersama adik bongsu kesayangan.

Oleh kerana otaknya sangat cepat berputar pada Bulan Lima (atau Mei) makanya segala tarikh pada bulan April ini suka dibawa kehadapan bagi mempercepatkan tarikh penting "Hari itu Dalam Sejarah". Tanpa usul periksa dan suka bersikap santai, Taichee pun bergembira berjalan ke mesin ATMnya untuk mengeluarkan duit meneroka kawasan Sarawak atas urusan kerja. mahu tahukah berita selanjutnya?

{Iklan Sebentar: Iklan ini ditaja oleh Syntium 3000 5W40: Pelincir premium untuk pengguna Volkswagen Golf R32}

Berita selanjutnya

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Makanya apabila Taichee melihat pada paparan skrin ATM itu alangkah hampanya duit gajinya yang dibajet masuk pada hari ini masih tidak kelihatan. Adakah kerana syarikat aku lambat masukkan gaji (tidak mungkin) atau mungkin disebabkan LHDN? Kemungkinan ini bermain dimindaku daripada KIA sehinggalah aku naik kapal terbang. Disebabkan tidur aku yang sangat mahal, disepanjang perjalanan aku hanya mampu terlentok kepala ke depan, ke kiri dan kekanan akibat tertidur dengan sedapnya. Sehinggakan aku malas mahu layan pramugari MAS yang sebuk tak nampakkah aku tertidur kepenatan ni?

Sesampai sahaja di Miri airport, aku cuba lagi untuk mengeluarkan duit dari Mesin ATM. Alangkah kecewanya aku ia masih belum dimasukkan. Lantas aku pun menelefon Kak Lenny sama ada gaji sudah masuk ataupun belum.

'Aiee...Cik Chee, gaji kita masuk 23 hb nak? Bukan hari tok!"

{pig Latin translation: Aiee Cik Chee, gaji kita kan masuk 23hb? Bukan hari ni!}

Maka aku pun seolah olah mahu ketawa sambil menangis hiba! Komfiden je aku ingat gaji masuk hari ni. Tengok purse tinggal bape kerat duit merah. Mana cukup beb nak cover sampai besok? Teksi lagi, makan lagi.

Okay. Aku pun bertenang sambil menelefon Piko. In fact sumer orang aku telefon sekadar nak bawak bawak bertendang. Tapi kan, waktu dan saat itulah sumer orang akan tidak mengangkat telefon hatta menjawab sms aku. Maklum baru jam 8 pagi. Jadinya aku cuba telefon staf aku di Miri ini. Adakah patut dia jawab begini:

"Saya baru saja nampak emel u Cik Chee. Baru saya tahu you sampai pagi ni"

Kan I dah sms?

"Tulah henfon saya pulak tak dapat tengok mesej. Ada rosak sikit..baru nak hantar hari ni!"

Tapi semalam saya ada call you tak jawab?

"Itulah semalam saya sibuk buat macam macam hal!"

Okay. Boleh la ambik I sekarang, I tunggu.

"Oh! tayar saya pancit pulak depan opis ni. Masa nilah dia nak pancit!"

"Macam nilah apa kata you duduk sana dulu. Kejap lagi lepas buat tayar saya datang ambik?"
Okaylah nak buat cemana (aku pun takde cash nak ke sana sini sinun!

"Kita call je nanti"

Okay (bunyi macam orang merajuk dah ni!)

Peh!

Tensi gilak aku bah!

Jadinya, aku pun termenung keseorangan di kerusi meja tepi mesin ATM, berhadapan dengan sebuah kedai yang membawakan bau yang lazat. Krooong krooong~@! Perutku berbunyi bunyi.

Ah sudah! Cash tak cukup, perut lapar. Aku lihat sekeliling airport Miri. Oh! Ada Starbucks. Pedulikan aku kalau aku beli kat sana buat masa ini. Darurat punya kes. I'm damn hungry and cashless. So aku order Hot Mocha with Vanilla & Cream + Chicken Finger Sandwiches. Semua sekali RM21.90. Aku keluarkan kad plastik aku. Time time begini, kad plastik ini penyelamat nyawa. Mat saleh hensem (rasa cam gay) kat belakang aku tersengih sengih (helleh, aku taulah aku takde cash, ko sengih pesal? sebab harga ni RM20 je ye?)

Sambil menunggu staf aku datang, aku telefon Piko untuk update berita terkini. Aku katakan padanya aku ada meminta tolong Effi, tapi lagi kena perli lagi ada. Takde mood la mau dengar budak membebel tak kena tempat. Mau tolong ok, mau bising get lost! Lagi hilang mood aku kang. Malas aku mo cerita. Piko update aku yang Pakcik Azam, suami Mak Itam aku meninggal semalam tengahari kerana menghidap kanser toraks ke apa. Innalillahiwainna ilaihi rojiunnn.. (Alfatihah untuk arwah pakcik Azamku)

Terkedu.

Sungguh.

Tak cukup lagi ke berita kurang enak yang aku dengar?

Aku pesan pada Piko untuk melawat famili Mak Itam dan menyampaikan salam takziah aku dari Miri. Sekurang kurangnya wakil mama dan abahku. Piko masih menunggu Effi untuk pergi bersama sebagai anak dan famili yang bertanggungjawab.

Aku mesej sahabat baikku yang kebetulan bekerja di Miri. Tapi aku boleh katakan padanya sambil gelak gelak. Mengaku akan kesilapan bodoh aku. Aku harap dia boleh bantu aku ringankan masalah ini sementara 23hb. Aduh! Malu beb. Mana mo letak muka? Tapi dia juga sahabat masa susah dan senang. Sudah 14 tahun kami dah cukup kenal dengan perangai dan diri memasing. Aku kata aku masih mandiri, cuma tinggal berjumpa dengannya saja petang ini. Dia pun kata mahu sangat berjumpa denganku untuk meluah rasa. Haaa elok sangatlah tuh.

Tiba tiba segala kopi dan rotiku rasakan hambar. Termenung aku agak lama sehinggalah si Jeremy sampai. Tersengih sengih mamat ni sambut aku. Hendak je aku hempuk kepala dia. Tapi aku balas dengan senyuman kelat sahaja.

(What else could go wrong today?)

{AMARAN: BAHASA SARAWAK/ PIG LATIN mengikut tafsiran kamu TIDAK AKAN DIALIH BAHASA SEBAB AKU MALAS}

Sesampai di tempat customer, aku ingat mereka bermasalah. Dipendekkan cerita, aku dan Jeremy yang malu sendiri. Rupanya masalah itu berpunca atas sikap ketidak professionalan pemandu pemandu dan sidak depo di daerah Miri ini. Benar benar sidak madah sama kamek sebab produk sik apat diatur bah! Ada jak problem sik ada lam sistem la tek, kena nanayak sidak driver la mun nya mauk anta ke sitok. Peh! Panas telinga aku dengar. Ada pulak tu bukti bukti yang aku tengok dengan kepala hangguk aku sendiri! Makanya aku pun snap snap gambo sebagai bahan bukti CSI ke 23.

So lepas dah gededak gedebuk dan dah malu yang amat melampau, makanya aku suruh Jeremy bawak aku dan customer makan di hotel (obviously la cash tak ada!). Jeremy ni pun bawalah kami ke Grand Palace makan kat Coffee House nya. Peh! Tempat ni ada kelas. Korang tau tak apa kami order?

Aku: Mihun Tomyam

Customer 1/ Pekerja: Nasi ayam hainanese

Customer 2/ GM: COD Steak

Tapi si Jeremy ini, sungguhpun dia tahu aku order apa, dan aku takde cash boleh dia order

COD STEAK JUGAK!!!!

OMG!!!

Ini orang memang tak belajar social etiquette ke apa. Even customer aku yg GM pun berhemah nak order nasi ayam je memula tapi lepas aku kata it's ok you can order anything you want its on me, baru dia nak order Cod Steak itu. Peh! Panas lagi hati aku ni. Tapi takpe. Kena pasang Poker Face, barulah namanya Exec Cabuk yang Cool Gilers.

So, lepas makan dan pujuk customer ini kami pun balik dengan harga makanan RM179. Aku gunakan kad plastik saja. Aku minta Jeremy hantar aku ke hotel sambil mencari cari di manakah IC aku untuk cek-in hotel. Puas aku selongkar bag laptop Samsonite bodo itu. Tidak kelihatan. Malahan, boarding pass aku pagi itu juga tidak ada. Aku sudah pun punya instinct tentang IC aku ini sejak semasa boarding pagi tadi di Kuching lagi. Tapi oleh kerana aku terlalu penat, aku buat bodo dan menyimpan IC aku beserta boarding pass aku dalam kocek seluar MNG aku sahaja. Aku tahu poket seluar bodoh MNG ini tidak begitu dalam. Tetapi disebabkan kebanyakan baju dan seluar aku di dobi yang tutup jam 6(yang komfem aku tak sempat ambik) maka aku pakai saja seluar yang ada (ye. aku pakai seluar. so?).

JEREMY! OMG! i think i've lost my IC

Cuba u cek betul betul

betul la nih!!!

Cuba ingat balik mana u letak

InsyaAllah la, last i nampak sebelum board my flight. I put in my pocket. Sekarang dah takde.

Oh!

Mana balai polis paling dekat sini?

Ala tu dekat Grand Palace sana saja.

U boleh hantar i kah?

Camni, I lagi mau ambik anak. U cek in dulu la

Cemana nak cek in kalau takde IC (bunyi aku sudah annoy)

Kalau macam tu, u duduk opis saja lah

Cheh. Takpelah i try cek in pakai driving license.

Ok! Bye!

Kurang asam punya staff. Geram aku. Next time ko punya PPA, aku takmo sokong. Hahahaha! Evil laugh!!

Aku text Niza lagi. Mengatakan aku memang sudah menjadi orang bodoh dan pening. Niza suruh aku rest dulu kat bilik. Petang karang dia akan bawa aku ke balai polis. INI BARU MENOLONG, BUKAN AH LONG BUKIT BERUNTUNG! aku tak perlukan bebelan. Aku tak mahu diignore. Tapi aku mahu penyelesaian. Aku rasa lega sikit (banyak sebenarnya!) Bertuah punya sahabat seperti KayBe. Sayang dia.

Jadi sekarang aku di bilik, sambung buat kerja. Tulis report. Ingat mahu tido. Tapi mana mungkin boleh tido jika hati aku tertanya tanya begini. Banyak sangat kejadian berturut turut sampai aku pening. Hahaha... Modjo pun ada mesej aku tapi aku kata, aku akan update dia malam ni lepas KayBe bawak aku makan. Aku tau dia tengah risaukan aku. Tapi aku tak mahu dia pening siang siang. Kang malam malam kang baru best. Boleh dengar dia pujuk aku.

Hehehehe...

Ujian betul aku hari ini ye?

Tapi aku kena sobar. Ni baru sikit. Apa sangatlah banding dengan sahabat aku di USA sana yang stuck takde passport dan uang mahu balik ke Malaysia? Kecik je ni.

{update: Modjo baru je kol tadi ni ha jam 4:03pm. dia bengang nape aku tak bagi tau dia awal awal, boleh dia bank in duit sebab risau aku tak makan and stuck nak ke mana mana. So Modjo pulak dah merajuk ni haa....adeyh!}

Huhu.

Sekian. Berita harubiru ini dibawakan khas oleh

1. MAS

2. Starbucks

3. Tayar Michelin

4. Coffee House Grand Palace

5. Kredit Kad Emas

berita ini ditulis semenjak jam 2:50 petang berakhir sejam kendiannya....

Tak Kesahla Sapa Pon~@!

Malam tadi dapat mesej daripada Pongee, member Amnet aku.
Dia suruh aku tengok 380 kat TV3 jam 9pm.

Sedang sibuk aku nak masak mihun sup fishball, sayur dan udang tu, aku pun tukarlah saluran yang aku jarang bukak tu. Punyalah hangin aku dok tengok makcik makcik berbaju merah dok melompat sakan dan menepuk nepuk ke atas kepala laksana teruja menonton konsert Jason Mraz. Peh! Hilang kesopanan dan kesusilaan MELAYU!

Kat FB sana sini situ sinun sebok dok menyatakan perasaan hati gembira dan dok persoalkan siapa yang menang kerusi merah itu. Ada yang suka, ada yang pelik, ada yang sokong dan macam macam.

Bagi aku pemerhati politik yang tidak bertauliah ini, dari luar pagar dan atas pagar, aku lihat, bagus juga kalau KJ dapat title Raja Pemuda itu. Bukan bagus dari segi pembaharuan yang dia nak buat, tetapi bagus untuk Najib juga agar beliau boleh meniti atas garisan dengan jari kakinya (toe the line omputeh kata!)

Menarik aku rasa!
Tapi yang aku pasti, tak ada seorang pun dalam parti merah itu mampu mengubah tanggapan kebanyakan rakyat marhaen seperti aku. Kombinasi Najib dan Rosmah dengan bagasi lebihan terlampau itu pada aku amat sukar dipejam mata dan ditutup telinga. Terlalu kuat bunyinya sekalipun pelbagai cara dan kaedah nak menutup ia dari mengeluarkan bunyi. Bangkai kalau tak ditanam baunya kan sangat meloyakan? Bila nak tanam dah terlambat la sebab baunya melekat dan tersebar ke merata rata dibawa angin.

Begitu juga dengan reputasi buruk KJ di merata Malaysia. Dia dan kononnya semangat Kemelayuan dan Darah Cap Kerisnya. Dia dan kroni kroni perniagaannya. Dia dan semangat samsengnya. Sapa yang tidak kenal KJ kerana kesamsengan kampung dusun itu? Tanya budak darjah 5 pun tahu.

Jadi,
Apa apa pun yang berlaku di dewan bewarna merah dan pink malam tadi, ia tidak membawa nafas baru pada senario politik Malaysia yang semakin lelucon. Aku rasa bagai menonton Akademi Fantasia + Jom Heboh + Raja Lawak saja lagaknya. Kadang kadang kalau bertuah, ada drama ala ala Spa Q! Yelah, ada juga cerita main belakang (sengaja tulis begini), cerita separuh lucah (macam cerita Amerika tu - Sex & The City), ada cerita CSI (kaboom!), ada cerita ala ala Laxmana Doremi (Negeri Pasir Berdengung kat Perak) dan macam macam lagilah.

Sangat menghiburkan sesetengah manusia seperti aku. Tapi kalau dah banyak sangat drama dan kejadian, aku rasa senario politik Malaysia ni seperti Sarkas! Orang lain sibuk akan kelembapan ekonomi, hilang pekerjaan, matawang jatuh, perang Palestin, Kuasa Negara China yang semakin berkembang, kita kat Malaysia?

Adeh.
Malas aku nak sibuk hal Politik Malaysia ni. Aku tau, jika ekonomi kita semakin lembap begini, Kerajaan yang leka bermain sarkas dan menjadi pelakon pelakon utama drama yang semakin meloya ini akan bangun dan tersedar seperti ditampar, ditumbuk dan diterajang SB.

Tidak akan ada lagi pendapatan sebesar tahun lepas daripada penyumbang utama pendapatan kerajaan. Cukai yang dibayar semakin menipis, dan secara keseluruhan kau dan aku tengoklah. Apa nak jadi dengan kita di penghujung cerita sarkas ini?

Bukan aku yang tulis skrip dan arah drama sarkas mengalahkan cerita berbelit belit soap opera. Bukan aku yang arahkan juga. Yang salah dan buruk itu tetap dari kita, sebab Allah kurniakan akal fikiran.

Aduhai. Inilah Melayu. Nama je pejuang bangsa Melayu tapi sebuk nak mengInggeriskan matapelajaran di sekolah. Jadi yang mengaku Melayu tu, kat bahagian mana? Nama parti jelaa....

Poyo!

Waaa~@! I Can Blog From The Office!!

Circa May 08 - When I was still crawling to learn from my Sifu

In a midst of my panic attack to find some figures & justification - Neil Sedaka sings You Mean Everything to Me (grinning like idiota!).

Ukeh.

I'm basically flat out due to my year end performance exercise. I know for sure that some things are beyond my grasp and control. Luckily my coach (Sifu) a.k.a my beloved boss told me to justify that if we compare apple to apple (rather than currently apple to durian) I might have more positive remarks. Alhamdulillah Sifu aku memang best! (Nak nanges lagi)

Ukeh.

That makes sense, right?

But there are other things now that doesn't make sense or logical meaning.

It just *happened*.

[Grinning, still]

20 days back, I can't imagine things could turn very positively. I mean *very* positively. There are some reservation deep in that lonely deserted heart. There are still some mysteries and doubts.

There are still some things that I feel, it's rather good to keep it unpronounced. Delicate and pure. Things that are beyond what normal lovebirds do. Weird. Abnormal. The first time ever in my life that this ever happened.

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Ukeh.

Let me just go with the flow.

Whatever Allah has in store for me I need to be extra patience.

I firmly believe He keeps the best for me. The BEST!

So The Best cannot simply be that simple straightforward to the Ampang Point kinda thing.

The Best is like a big complicated minituarized jigsaw puzzle that I need to piece them all together. The Best is testing my utmost patience as its only fair that I will be The Best too. The Best is like an unknown off the beaten track that I need to venture and conquer.

Oh Yeah@~!

The Best is yet to come for The Best ever script and storyline that Allah has wrote for me. Cos I always believe, we plan, Allah plans too. But Allah is the Best Planner and His plan works best! So why must I question this abnormal, weird, and nothing mediocre about what happened in my life recently? Allah knows what His doing. So I just sits here, grinning (thankful and grateful to Him that He made my life filled with herbs, spices and everything nice! Alhamdulillah). Weirdly nice and abnormally works! Looking forward towards this weirdness every s.i.n.g.l.e. day.

InsyaAllah. InsyaAllah. Amin Amin Ya Robbal A'lamin.

Grins (again). Will need to do monkey dance later. (I've got to move it move it...)

Taichee's happy wall

Almost a year later: My messy workstation but with a happy working environment = productive.

p/s: Since Sifu told me that I have that energy, the aura to keep the speed and pace, I kept grinning. He said something about leadership. He said a lot of things about work survival. He's my father here in Sarawak. I've always look at him highly and adore his style. He will be remembered as My Sifu. I used to be a zero to now nearly-there-hero(ine). I will miss my Sifu terribly. "I'd appreciate what ever things you thought me Sifu. That's why I feel lost if you move to Sabah." while trying very hard to hold my tears and pretend that I'm smiling naturally.

I grin & I cry as I'm only a lonely working girl who is trying her best to fit in this foreign land of the hornbills.

FABULOUSLY TAICHEE~@!

Tulah!
Orang tua dah pesan, taknak ikut. Bila dah patah hati, frust nonggeng camni kan dah susah?
Bak kata aku memperli aku sendiri.

Sebenarnya, dalam Islam tu dah cukup cantik. Sempurna. Cara hidup yang sepatutnya. Cuma kita sebagai manusia ni memang pelupa dan kena selalu diingatkan. Kalau dah diingatkan tapi masih tak buat, memang manusia ni degil dan keras kepala. (hehehe bunyik cam aku je ni kan?)

Sepatutnya, bak kata member dan mama dulu, sebelum kita kenal lebih jauh lagi, kita patut buat solat istikhorah. Biar Allah tunjukkan jalan sama ada ia akan jadi satu hubungan yang baik atau bagaimana. Ini tidak. Bila dah komfius, lost, tak tahu nak buat apa pun masih terkial kial cari jawapan dia. Mungkin jawapan itu dipengaruhi emosi? Mungkin jawapan itu dipengaruhi setan? (tu yang jadi setan tu). Astaghfirullah. Ampuni aku wahai Tuhanku

Tadi kebetulan masa sibuk sibuk flip thru channel, tertengok Oprah. Diorang cerita tentang inner peace, menyintai diri, dan yang paling membuka mata aku ialah diorang ni bukan Islam tapi dok bercerita tentang bersyukur atau being grateful. Syukur. Walau apa pun yang berlaku, kejadian buruk atau pengalaman pahit menimpa, anak mati kena kanser, suami tinggal tanggungjawab dan diceraikan, diri hampir nak bunuh diri, pengalaman hubungan cinta yang menyakitkan, kita kena syukur dan nikmati hidup sedia ada. Itu bak kata panel dan jemputan Oprah tadi tengahari.

Dalam hati aku pun berkata kata. Hmm...dalam Islam benda nilah yang kita selalu kena buat sebagai hambaNya. Bersyukur. Tapi selalunya sebagai hamba yang serba lemah, kita selalu kena diingatkan (aku lah ni). Kalau tak sesama makhluk (kadang siChomel kucing aku pun selalu ingatkan aku secara tak langsung) mesti Allah sendiri yang ingatkan kita. Terpulang dengan bagaimana cara kita melihat sesuatu masalah (atau hikmah sebenarnya). Kalau kita muhasabah balik (lepas teruk mata bengkak bengkak, hilang suara, demam teruk, pipi cengkung, perut kempis gila) terutama di saat saat sunyi dengan Yang Maha Pencipta, mesti kita terfikir Allah tidak akan menguji hambaNya dengan suatu ujian yang tidak mampu dipikul. Jika kita sabar, pasti ganjaranNya lebih baik dari sebelum ujian itu diberi. Malah, mungkin yang terbaik. Kena sabar je (which I'm lacking but trying very hard to be patient)
Aku kena syukur, sebab aku:

1. Masih ada karier yang best - alhamdulillah
2. Aku hidup lagi, tak mati pun - alhamdulillah
3. Aku taklah hodoh sangat, malah orang yang (sori, aku cakap) tak berapa cantik malah kadang kadang gemuk pun ada jugak jodoh mereka - alhamdulillah
4. Walaupun aku takkan semakin muda, tapi ramai gak orang kata umur aku masih 20an (peace!) - alhamdulillah
5. Aku cukup anggota badan dan sihat walafiat - alhamdulillah
6. Aku ada keluarga yang sangat best dan sentiasa beri aku sokongan mental, fizikal malah spiritual - alhamdulillah
7. Aku ada kawan kawan yang fabulous - you know who you are guys! - alhamdulillah

Bukan tu aje, kalau korang seperti aku yang jauh dari famili dan kengkawan, dan nak hiburkan diri sendiri. Apa aku buat?

1. Dengar lagu yang best dan fast track. Kalau slow pun dengar jazz. Tapi mostly aku dengar Rock. Sebab Rock memang jiwa aku.
2. Tengok cerita yang sangat lucu sampai boleh gelak kuat sorang sorang kat rumah
3. Splurge kat benda yang belum ada lagi - I love my home theatre system!
4. Call Piko - borak dan usik dia
5. Call member member - borak lagi
6. Kalau fon dah agak2 nak terbakar, gi chat kat YM n kat FB
7. Gi jenjalan jejauh sikit tengok pemandangan, bawak satu buku yang best
8. Makan kat tempat best - to be seen
9. Kalau bosan tahap tenuk gak, baru kacau jiran tetangga merangkap bebudak opis gak (kalau diorang tak outstation la)
10. Buat parti makan makan dan tengok movie beramai ramai (sbb aku je yang boleh masak antara bebudak bujang opis dan umah aku ada sound system yg mantaps)
11. Mencantikkan lagi rumahkku - tapi bebarang aku masih di KL la camne ek? Hmm..
12. Pakai baju yang bright colours - purple, baby blue, white disamping mekap hatta nak beli ikan terubuk di Satok sekalipun. Saja untuk rasa diri fabulous.
13. Lawat famili Mak Enot borak borak and kacau Mak Enot. Kalau ada masa terlebih nak bawa dia gi Serikin jenjalan. Sebab dia sukaaaa pegi Serikin.

Ok. Tu semua benda benda di dunia yang sementara cuma ni. Kalau nak list untuk pengkayaan jiwa dan rohani oooh lagi banyak. Kita kena syukur dan selalu bandingkan diri dengan orang yang lebih unfortunate. Anyway, kalaulah dekat pulau and gunung kat sini (Kuching) dan ramai member sekaki, musti aku join punya. Tapi takpe, kena syukur apa yang ada, kan? (Kak Mary Usrah pun dah start calling calling semalam suh join kelas Nisa, tapi sebab aku banyak kerja nak prepare kedatangan Arin & family this coming 4th, tak dapekla)

Apa apahal, kita kena ingat, diri kita ni fabulous. Fabulously beautiful inside and out (tapi kenalah dengan tindakan, janganlah pulak perasan cam aku ni). Fabulously kindhearted, fabulously happy, fabulously positive, fabulously thankful and greatful, fabulously h.u.m.b.l.e. How? What we receive, we give back. Energy receive, energy return. Aspiring people everywhere (dah copyright ngan kompeni aku daa) Yes!

Jika kau fikirkan kau boleh, pasti kau boleh melakukan! (InsyaAllah, dengan izinNya, buat apa pun kalau Dia kata tak, tak jugak jadinya. Jadi kenalah selalu DUIT - Doa, Usaha, Istiqomah dannnnn Tawakkal!)

Apa apahal, aku kena sabarrrrrr.... fooohhh fooohh...

Think Positive!

Photo Courtesy of Aunty Zain

[emotional love song]

I was at the hospital for few days now visiting and accompanying nenek. At 81 year old, Nenek is having a bad osteoporosis. Not just her back, but her upper right shoulder that makes her unable to comb her hair or wearing her baju kurung kedah. Two of her fingers already crooked permanently and cannot be flexed at will like Kazuma Azuma in Yakitate! (go see channel 715 and you'll understand)

Nenek was admitted not because of bad osteoporosis but because she fell and broke her back at her own kitchen. I remember Nenek during her active and happy self (yes, happy). She cooked marvellous, delicious Bawean food like kelacelok (something like masak asam pindang but yummier!) sambal sayur goreng, crunchy sambal ikan bilis and even my fave Roti Canai Nenek! She was never seen to relax and to daydream but was brimmed with energy to do chores.

Nenek still thought she was filled with energy and needed to do chore. She couldn't sit tight or just do nothing. She still wanted to do her own thing even though seeing her walk was really painful to me. Aided by a tongkat, she willed herself to fetch a drink or keep her fave cucu's room tidy or you know, things that grandma always do. Although she knew it took like forever for her to reach the one minute (to us) distance.

Maybe the kitchen at that point of time was wet and slippery. Maybe Nenek lost her balance due to her bad osteoporosis. It's all in Allah's will that she fell and broke her lumbar 4 and 5. While accompanying her yesterday (I was reading at the lobby due to space constraint in her shared room), Taro reiterated that Nenek sulked big time. She said, "Why must all these people come and visit me? I'm better off at this hospital. If I want some things, I can always call the missy (or nurse)..."

Mom said to all of us during dinner that Nenek doesn't want to go home. She just shook her head left and right to say No to the doc when the he asked her if she wanted to go back. She loves the attention and pampering that the nurses and doc gave her.

You see, Mama and Abah did visit her everyday except when they were outstation. Both Mama and Abah brought her fave Fried Kuetiau or whatever dish Nenek wish to have. Abah had always reminded Mama about Nenek. That's how good Abah was (and still is) being an in-law and supportive of Mama, since Abah's own parents passed away. Mama always do her hair, cut her long finger/toenails, help her to wear her baju and have a chit chat.

Nenek lost her husband, our beloved Atuk. Atuk was actually the Centro. The One who people looked up to. The Energy-in while Nenek was the Energy-out. I still feel that without Atuk, nenek's house is dying with energy. It looked glum and lifeless. As if, Atuk brought the whole house's energy and aura with him down the grave. Nenek had lost her tango partner, her balancer to optimize the feel good aura in the house. Her yang.

I believe in my sincerest, humblest opinion that Nenek needs companion. She was not alone at home. There are my aunt, Uncle H, her two grandchildren and a maid (who I observe frequents the neighbours/ lepaking outside/borak with Kak Sonya at my Uncle M's home). Nenek is LONELY and I know how she feels. When I look into her eyes, I cringed with sadness. I know how one feels so lonely albeit the hassle and bustle around her.

I feel for Nenek. I really do. Deep down she was no different from me. This feeling struck again right in the middle of my heart. It came when one person that I should respect as an elder "congratulated" me by saying hurtful, cynical words. As if to say, I was so desperate I needed help in jodoh department. I know I'm not as lucky as some other people to settle down with children and this person happily with grandchildren. I know my shortcomings. I was hurt last time when one person said I didn't deserve a good soleh husband with good income. As if to say, I only deserve the bad, spiteful husband. Does that person knew that what one said was deemed a prayer? I was so down that Taro cheered me up with one ayaat. Wamakaruu wamakarallah, wallahukhairul maakiriin. I still hold close to that ayaat till now.

Mama and abah motivated me this morning in the presence of both my beloved adik. They said, whatever people said to us just reply them back in good faith with words that can stop 'em dead. Like, I should reply back to that person, "Alhamdulillah. Syukran jazillan for your words. May Allah grants your do'a. Who knows your doa will be answered immediately by Allah."

Mama can always think on her feet. She's very good with PR. She knows how and when to speak with correct ditto words. She rarely hurt other people's feeling. Whatever she said, it's hard to reply with other good ones. Simply stated, Checkmate! But I'm not Mama. I think I resemble more of Abah.

But think on the bright side. Being me, I've always bounced back, InsyaAllah. Whatever people perceived badly on me, I proved them wrong in-your-face-kinda thing. They may look down on moi maybe because they know I can jump higher when I reached rock bottom. I believe in my potentials. I believe in Allah's will. I believe whatever it is that we're doing/ planning, there's not one single thing without His intervention. Allah is All-Knowing. I won't be working with my current (very proud to be one of them) organization without His Mercy and Will.

I believe jodoh is in His hands. His secret that He holds for me as a surprise. Maybe what I wished and what I thought best might not be the best for me. Only Allah holds that one little secret. He knows what is best for all his servants.

For Nenek, there's always behind-the-story that we may not know what gives. Maybe Allah wants all of us as one big family to give Nenek the attention that she wants and gives more tender loving care to. Maybe whatever Nenek's prayers are about to be answered?

Only the loner knows how lonely one can be...

Wallahu Taala A'lam

+..RECESSION'S COMING! ON OIL, INVESTMENT, TARIFF, & OOH.. SHOPPING!!..+

Hmm..

Interesting subject, yes?

In fact I longed to write about this some time ago but the mood and modjo just not in parallel with the creative juice secreted. Hoh!

Okay. We know recession will be hitting Malaysian shores soon. So what gives?

Last night at Top Spot where the bosses, Ferdie, Steph and yours truly had a wonderful dinner, we chit chatted about the global economic downturn, crude oil price, gold price, investment, recession, inflation... Heck! I was amazed that suddenly all of us became self PROclaimed economic analyzers. Both SIR and Boss, the powerful and financial experts (by their own achievement and liquidity) shared their ideas on how to gain when the recession's coming. I'm talking LIQUID, baby!

1. If you want to buy property, wait till the price drop come recession. (And they were saying recession was lurking somewhere in the corner)

2. If you want to buy a good (quality) car, wait till their interest goes down instead of up

3. Keep at least RM1,000 aside for savings (SIR mentioned Tabung Haji as it is the safest and cleanest). Mind boggling as me/ Ferdie who only earn around 40% from them can afford RM1,000 for savings! Hmm...bertuah! He himself keeps RM3,000 for savings. Hoh?!

4. If you really got to spend, use the bank's money (they defined bank's money = dividend/ interest accumulated based on the savings. SIR had RM30,000 per year! No Sh**!). I said, that's my BIGGEST SIN. I love splurging like I love myself. Hohohoho~@!

5. My own Boss asked me to buy land in the US but wait 'til their dollar is weaken (Short Term = 5 years investment, RM10,000 at least!)

6. In the car when I send SIR to KIA, he said, "what I regretted most when I was young was NOT buying an apartment/ condo. If you want, that's the best choice to invest since all of us are nomads." (Hahahah~@! Nomad? So true, SIR...working with the co like us can be called so)

7. If you want to do something, LEARN and gain more KNOWLEDGE about particular things such as finance, control your money etc. The same goes if you solaat, you must have knowledge in order to appreciate what solat is. What are the meaning of ruku', sujud and all the meaning of the ayaah. That's how you learn to be kusyuk (concentrate in ibadah).

8. Since the company didn't pay zakat for the company itself, it is our prerogative and responsibility to pay the zakat (tithe). SIR paid RM2,000 lump sum a year. Meanwhile Boss paid Baitulmal RM1,000 a month!! HOH?! SIR paid lumpsum becos he wants the physical akad instead of the monthly "unseen" akad.

9. If you haven't paid the tithe, even though there's no such tithe in earnings per se, but to cleanse what you've earned, do so. Anyho, if one pays the tithe, one didn't have to pay for the more expensive Income Tax. PLUS, you're able to help the poors and the needy with tithe. [when saying this animatedly, SIR and Boss agreed that the government should help the poor and the needy by using the tax incurred on each of us. But again. We never know where the money goes, right? ;)]

10. Don't forget to pay tithe for the unused gold bracelet/gold necklace/ gold ring that you women have. Don't forget to pay all your assets' tithe and learn about all the tithes. For now, I only know 3.

11. If you believe the government needs to impose downward goods price like they did with our fuel, you are far from wishful thinking my dears! There are loads of greedy businessmen outside. Unlike petrol stations which can be controlled, do you think they want to have very small margin even though the fuel prices already being cut down to RM2.20 for Diesel and RM2.30 for Petrol? This is the time for all these greedy/ no social accountability businessmen who gain more profit during the inflation.

12. I was sadden by some women who called IKIM FM this morning that they couldn't do anything as The END USER. They feel that they don't have the power to boycott and that boycotting expensive goods won't work! They don't have the urge to survey different areas to check for cheaper prices. Stupid and Lazy women! Don't they know that Holland economy nearly crippled because of Muslims boycotting their products? Tara baca ka? Hish! Seek and you will find la. Sekarang ni Spending power la beb! Consumer power!

13. Even though government can regulate the ceiling prices for goods, still the regulators to check on how the prices are being implemented is INSUFFICIENT. So? Why do WE have to WAIT for the government to do something which in the end has no point? WE as the CONSUMER has BIGGER IMPACT to bring down the prices. What the government can do and which can get the suplly chain cheaper is

a) Cut down power tariffs

b) Cut down water tariffs

c) Cut down toll rates nationwide. Samy kan dah takde?

14. Fuel downward prices ALONE won't work if all the above are still skyrocketing high. Like hello! PETRONAS already did their bid to help the rakyat with some billions. Rakyat pulak tak sedar sedar diri. Beli minyak = SHELL/ ESSO/ CALTEX. Lagi nak mintak macam macam. Sedar tak? Bila dah mintak macam macam sekarang, anak cucu cicit kita dah deprived of scholarship/ dana untuk sustain dan enjoy apa yg kamu dan aku sendiri dapat sekarang ni. Rezeki Allah beri tu, bukan untuk kita aje, tapi untuk semua yang memerlukan. Janganlah selfish tuan tuan.

15. Coming back to utility tariffs and toll rates, the GLCs and LITRAK involved need to emulate what Petronas did. I know these guys cannot sedekah RM60 Billion, but what they can do is just a portion of it as part of their social and corporate responsibility plan. LITRAK gain more by collecting some odd 200,000 cars per day with at least RM1.60 toll. Dahlah Kerajaan (Read: Petronas bagi scr tidak langsung) tolong inject some fund. Do the Math! Give some, back to the rakyat not to some of you guys in LITRAK.

16. Yg OKU dahlah kurang upaya, mintak lagi pulak subsidi minyak untuk OKU semata. Macam, nak degrade themselves with more disabilities!! Come on la beb. Thank Allah that our fuel is subsidised (dengan duit Petronas jugak) for 30 sen, nak tambah lagi ke untuk kau orang? Kat negara lain, diorang bangga jadi OKU, diorang lagi suka berdiri, berlari sama dengan golongan BERUPAYA. Kalau tak takkan mamat yang kudung pakai kaki palsu special cam ski tu nak masuk olimpik? And bear in mind dia tak corot, hokey! So, tengok negara lain, ada subsidi extra kaaa?

17. Wait 'til crude oil price reaches USD30/ barrel, then I think all the goods will be cheaper than it is now. Since most of Malaysia's goods were mostly imported. Its supply chain wil GRADUALLY be cheaper. Don't tell me you expect when the fuel price is down, the prices of goods will fall down immediately! Everything is linked and chained. Chain has reactions. Reaction takes some time. Be patient. Be prudent. Buy only what needs buying. Not what one wants (like I really want to buy more shoes and new car).

I remember learning about Food Security. Malaysia has NONE. Imagine if war were to come, we'll die of hunger. So, get yourself a lil teeny bit of land with good fertile soil, a cangkul, seeds, water and determination. Start planting your own food. Bela ayam/ kambing/ lembu kalau boleh.(nak bela ikan contact abg Puyu kat SINI)

18. I want to shop like Mom. She only buy raw food on 3 days basis. So the raw won't go busuk and wasted (like how I kept my veges till benyek and liquidify- gross). She already plans what to cook in three days' time. This is NEED. Unlike some household who buy their kitchen thingies on 1 month basis sampai RM700- RM1000 at least sebulan (aku tak banyak ni, tapi banyak la jugak sampai membazir/over usage/ busuk dan tak boleh digunakan). It's not a question of BUY MORE, SAVE MORE. No. That's Businessmen mantra. We're the consumers. Smart consumers plan on how/ what/ when to buy their goods. Don't be lazy. It's bull saying you dont have so much time. Allah gives you 24/7 for you to do lotsa of ibadah.

To me, shopping is also an ibadah if you know how to use wisely. Especially so if you're buying for your family/ cooking for your friends/ neighbours, it is considered as sedekah. Kan melakukan sesuatu secara melampau itu dibenci Allah? (Yelah shopping melampau lampau). Kan membazir itu amalan Syaitan? (Ini aku cakap depan cermin kat muka aku sendiri, astaghfirullahal a'zim).

19. I always believe, Allah replaces MORE than what you sincerely (in the name of Allah) gives to the needy/ poor/ your own family. If you give RM10 to them, insyaAllah, Allah replaces with RM20 or more. Because Allah is Ever Rich, Most Loving and Kind. If we do something because of Allah, we'll be blessed with His rahmah. Subhanallah...what I've earned and what I've got has little meaning compared to Allah's redha. I just want to seek His love and I really want to meet my Creator and my Imaam Rasullullah (SAW) in the after world, insyaAllah. InsyaAllah...

May Allah forgive me. May Allah show me the straight path always. May Allah grant me with humility, safeguard my imaan, keep me away and from being evil and crude to/from his beings. May Allah give me strength and guidance becos I only have Him here. Lonely. Away from my family. Lonely. Even though there are many acquaintances and so called friends here, but me, I remain L.O.N.E.L.Y.

So I pledged to:

1. Stop spending like I'm an heiress to a multibillion assets (as if la kan)

2. Start saving and stretch my saving target to RM500 a month, ALlah's willing

3. Keep my toes on property mega sale come recession (if possible if I have enough fund, I want to buy both apartment AND landed)

More numbers are not mentioned here simply because I let Allah decide and grant it for me.

Because again I believe in wamakaruu wamakarallah. Wallahukhairul maakiriin.

We plan. Allah plans. But Allah plans the best and work best!

>>Me, myself and I
(I want to forget everything...So I deleted it instead. I don't want to be hurt again and again. So I left...)