The Thing in that Pandora's Box

It's Sunday again.

It's been exactly 3 days since I left KL.
It's been exactly 2 weeks since Modjo haven't seen me thru his naughty skodeng activity.
It's been exactly 3 days since I last met Ella and asked for her help to give Modjo his Melaka's Roti John.
It's been exactly 3 days since I met up with Jiji + Koben = Anis Manis.
It's been only few minutes since Modjo called me up.

It got me thinking. And got me thinking real hard..

I pity Modjo for having me as his gal. Me, heavy with so many emotional baggages. Me who is full and filled with flaws and weaknesses. Me who have been thru loads and loads of heart breaks. Me who have cried blood and burst my heart to million pieces before. Me who picked up all the broken pieces and sew it all back together again in the hope it will be in one piece. But this heart will never be the same again. This mind where the sad and gloomy memories remain there. INTACT. Although how hard I tried to shut all em baddies out from *here*, it will pops out without warning. Anytime. Anywhere.

For all these, I pity Modjo. I blame myself for not trusting him 100% before. The only thing that make me whole again was my love for him. The only thing that makes us strong is by loving each other with all our heart. I ditched my head and trust my instinct. Why can't love be just love. Pure and sincere just like that first love? Why must there be questions? Why must there be probing questions and immediate answers? Why can't we love as the days go by? Slow. Steady. Savour each moment and days without any rush. Why can't love be simple and kind?

Please forgive me for having me as your gal, Modjo. Please forgive my insecurities. Modjo. He doesn't have to post his name all over the net to make him transparent. He doesn't have to shout aloud for me to hear his heart. He doesn't have to be physically visible for everybody to see that he exists. He exists just by loving and accepting me as what I am.

For all the pain that I've been through, the lies, the money that they took, the broken promises, the waste of time, energy and most importantly, the trust that was slowly taken away, the exes that have so many ways to break me into million pieces...

This time, I know for sure that Modjo is not any one of them. He's different. He is like my first ever true love. The love that I never had. The love that requires no pretentions, no conditions just pure love. He needs me. I need him. I feel his sincerity. I feel his love deep in my heart. He cares for me for real without taking me for granted. He makes me feel like a priority. He makes me feel so special. Wanted. Loved. Needed. That's why Modjo is different.

If you think that we never argue, we did. We are after all just human. That makes us even stronger as we learn about us more. I thank Allah for Modjo. For his forbearance and loving a bullheaded and loud mouth Taichee. Please God, I don't want to hurt his feeling. I want to change for a better me.

So let me return his love by trusting him and savoring each second by loving each other. He amazes me with all his gestures and choice of words. He is sweet, gentle and kind. He treats me like a lady, his best friend and his gal. InsyaAllah the time will come for him to properly propose and make me legally his. InsyaAllah.

Well, just in case you guys have been wondering, he did propose to me unofficially by drawing a doodle over ym

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

and I countered

R U PROPOSING 2 ME?

Sadly, I didn't print it out to prove to your guys. Anyhoo, I don't have to prove the world for this. Just let it comes naturally later.

Taichee (6/20/2009 12:48:58 AM): b serius ke propose me?
Modjo (6/20/2009 12:49:44 AM): yes my dear
{then he called me}
Taichee (6/20/2009 12:54:53 AM): yes, i will shyg
{then yang in between takyah tunjukla}
Modjo (6/20/2009 12:59:24 AM): slh kot cara b.. xpela abaikn
{then I called him to pujuk. Well if he wants to marry me, do it properly la kan?}

If B nak me marry you, B jumpalah mama & abah ye shayg?
InsyaAllah shayg...So it's been nearly 5 months that we got to know each other. Almost 4 months that we've been a couple. We still didn't date like "normal" couples out there do. Thru his younger siblings - Ella, Epul and Ena, I know that he is for real. I just *know*.

Wamakaruu wamakarallah. Wallahukhairul maakiriin.
InsyaAllah. Just pray for me. Let him be The One, o Allah! I want to be his solehah wife and bear him mini Modjos and mini Chees. InsyaAllah...insyaAllah...insyaAllah.

Aminn...