i am blardy pissed and sad at the same time.
i don't need any patronizing from anybody. i own my actions and my words. decision and action is mine, only mine. benefits or failures are also mine. can u please leave my affairs alone cos i never ask anyone to meddle with it and take ownership of any. i know that you cared. If you really care about me, please consider doing things with my permission not without it and jumped straight on the band wagon and wallop anyone who may be innocent? Especially using words that I found so unlikely to come from someone. Yes. I was shocked.
After all, what has one to do with you since it deals directly with me and the circumstances are for me to bear. Isn't it rude and a show of disrespect to overrule my feelings and decision and jumped straight to a judgement without trial nor without understanding of one issue or history?
I am blardy tired. Cos I blardy tried my best and it still didn't rectify any. Maybe the one fault that I could own is how blardy late I responded. Yeah. not everyone has the luxury of doing lotsa thing. Yes. I could stop everything from happening. If only I have that little window to respond earlier. This would not have happened.
Its better to keep things to myself now. Yeah. I learned it hard cos I thought someone out there really understand me on how I think. How I act and react and why I chose my words as such. I'm just like this poor little dear that was caught in a middle of two angry elephants. Whatever side I may be, I will be stomped like roti canai. At least the other party already stop at one bit and doesn't have to highlight the ONE thing that was so OBVIOUSLY stated again and again. Yeah. I got it. I ain't no fool and ain't blind either. Too much of a thing really annoys and irritates me. It hurts me so much again and again. My heart bleeds every time I see it. I wept in silence and caused me my insomnia.
At current state of mind, I direct all my energy for my career. I was in yellow light all this while and is yet to progress to green. I let Allah decide and create the path for me afterwards cos I'm done tired and worn out.
For me, it's enough to put one in my All Time Bad Book and Tahik List (yes. tahik or shit in English).
1. One who actually robbed me off RM10,000 and is now in hiding happily with either his list of girlfriends or wife (where my money can be easily exhausted in a blink of an eye)
2. One who promises the gold, the diamond and whatnot to the parents and elders, but only to be given to other girl than me
For so many seasons, I have aged with time. Aren't that enough for my own judgment? Anyway, aren't what I hold for so long isn't good enough? Wamakaru wamakarallah wallahukhairul maakiriin...
I'm still intact in one piece. I'm still able to do things with my hard earned moolah. I'm still safe and sound and what's MORE important, "Can You See That I Am Happy and Live Happily with All of Yous?".
What ELSE do you want from me?
Can I just be HAPPY for ONCE in my LIFETIME?
Or you rather see me live miserably, just like old times?
Thanks but NO, thanks :)
