I hope that's not true...

My horoscope today indicated something which ironically similar to what I thought of during that torment monologues and insecurities. But I only read it around 7ish pm...

The Bottom Line

Their recent weird behavior was meant to push your buttons. Call them
on it.
Sure, you could win that tug-of-war -- with your stick-to-itiveness, that's
a game you're pretty much unbeatable at -- but is it really something you want
to commit yourself (and your time, your energy, your shoe leather) to? Take a
while longer to assess the situation and your would-be opponent. Perhaps there's
a way to turn this into a much more immediate -- and happier -- win-win type of
thing.

Am I just being jealous? Why should I be this way? Why should I think the worst? maybe I just want to be mentally prepared but in fact its eating me alive...I'm dying slowly for what I think, dying *in* there. maybe due to lack of communication? lack of background info? And I made believe of what I saw and read. It could be deceiving for all i know but *someone* ought to convince me, cos he's being a bad marketing/ salesperson of things lately...

I dunno...I might being misled, but I don't want to be caught off guard either. I don't want to be too careless and too trusting, cos i DON'T KNOW!!! arghhh!! Tension nyaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Note: yeah, I was speeding 140kmh along Guthrie Corridor and nearly hit a car that *spontaneously* followed me. Under this extreme pressure, I wouldn't care less. Obit has been faithful and loyal. I wish Obit's a man. Cos I can read him easily...

I just hope the man that I'm choosing for life will never lie to me, using all sorts of excuses and hide things which gives me the impression of *loop hole* stories. These loop holes make me feel so uncomfortable and depress. I just wish he's kind enough to be honest and transparent. I wish oh i just wish! Excuse me, but I've been in the deepest shit before. Just shoot and kill me straight to the heart with that Uzi of yours rather than the fact which could easily *find* me. God...it really hurts...it really really hurts being in the shadows, in the dark gray area...it hurts!