.:Battered, Bled and Teared:.

Dunno how to handle this delicately.

Life has been so mean to me. sometimes i feel like surrender everything and let it go...
I wanna live life as it is. i hate to predict what's going to happen next. Hope that maybe God is kind enough to let me live and die peacefully without worrying about the future. maybe if God is kind enough, he let me go...eternally...cos' I'm all ready, insyaAllah.

I don't want to sound depressed or giving up hope. no. not just yet. what is hope if it fails you? so i better live life as it is now. my cases had been one of those many women frighten of. how can i lost my grip and fell again? maybe He just want me to suffer a few more before i can walk freely again, without any falls and trips. Oh yes...i missed a lot of *good* journey on a train. maybe God wants me to miss that purposely cos He knows better. He wants me to wait til the very best train to board? what best train to board? please let me know...as I'm clueless as you out there. insecurities that kept my skin crawl and curiousity that could kill me. uncertainties of will i ever end up marrying somebody who can truly love *me* and loving him with all my heart and my soul? these questions kept me edgy and agitated as always, led me to not be too trusting as they are people who thrive on opportunities and other people's weaknesses. like what they all did to *me*. will it be another vicious cycle for me? this already crumpled self has been recycled again and again...battered and losing the war. or is there a war?

For all I know, there are friends who really care for my well-being. friends who are ever willing to protect me from any harms cos they know how I bled, how I teared...how i survived the wars.
to these beloved friends of mine. May God bless you. I will always pray for all of you. InsyaAllah.

To conclude, i think Harry Potter can boost up my dampened spirit this wet tuesday afternoon. let me live in my fantasy for the time being...