::e.m.p.t.y::

exactly. this is how i feel now. at this moment. Effi n Taro already left me to face my melancholic pathetic self. to stare at all these empty spaces..listening to the stillness of unmoving objects/ human/ furniture. Blast Off Channel 16 seems the only entertainment and friend. can see the bands are progressing.

I miSs My baNd!

i miSs eVerytHing tHe baNd proviDed - haPpineSs in a cLan. toGethernEss. cLOsenEss. bEar.
i know i can't be hoping he'll be around when i needed him most. how possible can that be? how can i asked that at the first f***in place? i wish you were here *always*. hours seemed dragging its feet leaving prints all over me..*mental* yeah..the real fact i need a family! a family of my own...just him *being* nearby..so long i can see him, smell him, listening to him...*everytime*...unconciously i wanna go away again...unconcious..fly up in the sky..please forgive me...

already reheated the soup over and over..without anybody to share my ramblings and craps, so-called "intelligent" arguments with Effi and craps with Taro..the soup was tasteless. wonder what sutun n vitz are up to *now*. love to hang out with them *now* but to lazy to drive the borrowed 2055. it's so not mine! i miss Obit!! visited my Obit yesterday, he looked so lonely and sick and so-I-need-u-here. we used to be together *everytime*. at least when i was down, he were *there* with me without fail..being tru ups and downs for 4 years together...*everytime*..uhuhu..Obit!! miss you like crazy, boy! Get well soon, okay..!

now listening to Mistikus Cinta & Pupus over and over again..*every* morning..*everytime* i think of bEar..it still won't take away this emptiness. this loneliness. how can i live with this torment *everytime*? it's been nearly two months now..without him. what if two years? two decades?i really wanna move on...get a grip of what's left of me. too late now, isn't it? too late to let go...after so many events of wanting to break up..to want him to release me..to want him to hate me instead...to want him to unlove me. i truly believe God is great and this one of His Most Magnificient ways for me to live life. Only time could tell whether it'll work between us. whether this torment of emptiness i feel is worth *everything*...

~yeah...another melancholic un-kodak moment that i'm having. i hate being :lonely: ok...i hate it and i chose this instead