.:Blues untuk aku:.

Entah kenapa sejak dua menjak ni, i'm not my usual self. Moody, cepat marah, dan selalu tak bermotivasi. A lot of things happened, but hey! Shit happened kan? If it was destined like that it will be.

Sekarang keje aku macam main-main je. Ofis buat semangat ala-ala MyTeam. Dengar citer pasal investment on human capital, aku cabot balik opes. QBS! and that is Quality BullS*** la...frust aku and Pojan. Frust sbb boleh they all simply made desicion without respecting their subs. Anyho enough! Aku malas nak citer problem aku. Kang aku takde mood nak shopping....eh tapi shopping kena takde mood baru jalan kan beb?

Hari tu aku gi retail therapy. Peh! Marveles, i tell you. Aku beli kasut rockport and snowfly. Then aku gi beli baju-baju keje baru; total wardrobe change. Aku nak beli Timberland kaler pink tuh, tapi rasanya duit tak cukup sbb galak shoopping benda2 lain. Muahahah puas hati kali ni aku nak jadik lady like, banyak skirt and baju-baju pompan. mana aku suka aku beli la 2-3 kaler. hahahah! mama kata kamu dapat loteri ke? Aku senyum je. Baba pun pelik hari tu aku balik agak lewat la. Aku cakap, "Gi release tension" Which was true...tapi tak ckp banyak la besok aku explain aku gi shopping sorang2 sbb tension. Lucky they don't ask me millions questions.

I won't tell them what my actual problem was (or still is). Cos it was against my nature to do so. Since young aku tak pernah berdiskusi mengenai masalah aku. Aku pendam and aku citer kat bestfwen aku jah. sbb i will feel awkward telling my inner monologues to them.

Well...sejak dua menjak ni plak, aku jarang tido lena. Well, probably suruh wat solat taubat, solat hajat kot? Aku risau snonyer...risau risau risau.....sekarang ni aku tatau napa mimpi parallel aku membuat aku berubah hati? Aku harap Neo mengerti....aku tak mahu sakitkan hati dia if i keep on doing things which against my will...i don't want to be a hypocrite. I don't wanna hurt his feeling by being a hypocrite. Its just that, he's no longer a residence in my heart. Cold feet? Maybe...but this was thought long before i made my decision on my birthday. Its just that i felt so insecure...

I hope and pray he'll be successful in his business line...that he will find someone better. Amin...
Aku nak dapatkan hidup aku balik. But it takes time.

Currently aku tekadkan semangat untuk lawan Singapore. Aku training mix sekarang ni sbb selalu main double. Hopefully aku boleh belajar lagi teknik and sharpkan lagi apa yg aku dah tahu. Selalunya asyik trial and error aje.

Til later...