Hmmm...I've been trying to keep myself sane and rational without sparking any more paranoias and self-thoughts.
These few days had taught me of things that demanded me to change the way I view (and treat) myself and others. Especially to those people whom I loved. You can't show that you loved them so much 'cos they took it for granted. Just keep it in balance. Be selfish a bit and give them love bit by bit. I realised after two people showed me my own errors from this outer shell that unconciously I became like a mother - care and worry too much. I don't want to be criticised as the calculative sister, but please i'm not rich, i wanna save money too. Just for the sake of both my beloved parents, i turned deaf ears and blind eyes to whatever things that irritates me, eventhough as bad as a *door-mat* treatment that I've received. I think *they* should take the responsibility to save and to be independent, and to pay whatever cost they incurred. Sabar jelaaa. Now no more Ms Nice Unselfish Sister. They will be totally independent from me and I will only guide them on how to do it, not shove them what they want in front of their manja faces.
These few days had taught me of things that demanded me to change the way I view (and treat) myself and others. Especially to those people whom I loved. You can't show that you loved them so much 'cos they took it for granted. Just keep it in balance. Be selfish a bit and give them love bit by bit. I realised after two people showed me my own errors from this outer shell that unconciously I became like a mother - care and worry too much. I don't want to be criticised as the calculative sister, but please i'm not rich, i wanna save money too. Just for the sake of both my beloved parents, i turned deaf ears and blind eyes to whatever things that irritates me, eventhough as bad as a *door-mat* treatment that I've received. I think *they* should take the responsibility to save and to be independent, and to pay whatever cost they incurred. Sabar jelaaa. Now no more Ms Nice Unselfish Sister. They will be totally independent from me and I will only guide them on how to do it, not shove them what they want in front of their manja faces.
They will ask permission to go out or rather not at all. I'm not their *mother* but I think its better for them to ask mama's permission. I'm here just to be their central, not their guardian anymore. Except Taro who still needs some pampering and stuff. At least I wanna know where they're going so that I can reach them if anything happens. Its just a matter of showing that you care...that I love them. But heck! For how long should I be like this? I should have not pampered them so much but let them grow healthily...let them learn what life has to offer, how real life works..not some *pretty-catered-to-whatever-you-wanna* kinda things.
I'm lucky as I still have my beloved parents to give advice and help whenever I'm in trouble. Even the nitty gritty of my mech's 3 am encounter. I always ask Dad for his experience and knowledge to improve my work in the office...these are the precious things you can't have in years' time. I love both Mama and Abah. Ya Allah! Ampunkanlah dosa-dosa kedua orang tuaku, murahkanlah rezeki, kurniakanlah Mereka dengan kesihatan yang baik serta masukkan mereka ke dalam syurgaMu dengan rahmatMu Ya Allah...aminnn
Alhamdulillah...Dad is blessed with *murah rezeki* and it flows to his children sometimes ehehhe. But hey! As an individual child, I idolized his work attitude and how he deals with thingsespecially his degil and manja children. Even how hard his work might be ( I remember how he envisioned NGV in Malaysia 5 or 6 years back) he never failed to go home and did his Maghrib and Isya' jamaah prayers at nearby mosque. Almost *NEVER*
I'm lucky as I still have my beloved parents to give advice and help whenever I'm in trouble. Even the nitty gritty of my mech's 3 am encounter. I always ask Dad for his experience and knowledge to improve my work in the office...these are the precious things you can't have in years' time. I love both Mama and Abah. Ya Allah! Ampunkanlah dosa-dosa kedua orang tuaku, murahkanlah rezeki, kurniakanlah Mereka dengan kesihatan yang baik serta masukkan mereka ke dalam syurgaMu dengan rahmatMu Ya Allah...aminnn
Alhamdulillah...Dad is blessed with *murah rezeki* and it flows to his children sometimes ehehhe. But hey! As an individual child, I idolized his work attitude and how he deals with things
So, why I wrote this piece of thing which seems insignificant? Well, simply because I feel like i'm done with my job as being the eldest? It's not that I don't care about them anymore. I love them as they're my own flesh and blood, and that's why I'm doing this to open their eyes and their mind that life is not about getting everything that you want but it's about sharing, commitment, responsibility, social obligation and a lot more. Something that each of us experience differently.
I hope they understand this when they're old enough to think for themselves. I hope so...
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