Dunno why...i don't feel as cheerful as before. Heart doesn't feel as warm and filled with love anymore. i feel like it is filled with empty spaces. i wanna run again. Since we made the decision to part, i felt like i've losen my grip. Lost my senses and direction. everything else falls to grey and black. i can hear my heart breaks to million pieces. I pray that he'll be blessed with happiness, that God will repay his kind heart.

Lotsa things happened. even simple gesture can make me sad. Maybe I chose a wrong path. Maybe I 'm not meant for anyone at all. Maybe I'm fated to be all by myself? But I wanna try...and will keep on trying. If it's fated then, let be.

The mereng gals finally got engaged and will be married soon this year. Got a text msg from N, saying that my pressure will be greater than Mt Kinabalu...since M also is getting married. Can I cry? N is my best buddy in the world. I wish for all the happiness in the world, and may God bless her life with children, love and kindness.

This is one of the many blogs that i wrote with a dash of melancholic notes. I always feel like Number Two. I know I'm not perfect, i have flaws, i have excess baggages. But I'm just a woman who wants to love and be loved in return. I want my own children. I want to care for my husband. If the world is kind enough to make me chose, let me chose how I'm gonna live my life. But they are too cruel to think what's best and looked best for me.

I really wanna cry.